The Power Of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not easy. Whether you are looking to forgive yourself or someone else, having the ability to “let go” is a process that takes time and dedication. The struggle related to forgiveness is often related to how we define it. So let’s start there.
When we make a conscious decision to forgive someone, it doesn’t mean we are okay with the inappropriate behavior. However, it does mean that we are no longer allowing the individual who wronged us to impact how we think and feel. To forgive is to reconcile with ourselves in a way that allows us to live life on our own terms.
Even when an apology is not possible, it is important to find a way to free ourselves from the burden of remaining angry long-term. The stress and anger of holding a grudge takes a significant toll on us mentally and physically. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. As cliché as it may sound, refusing to forgive is really just hurting ourselves.
Forgiveness may be hard. But it’s healthy.
According to Everett L. Worthington Jr., PhD, Commonwealth Professor Emeritus at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, the way people reach a state of true forgiveness differs, but usually falls into two categories: decisional forgiveness and emotional forgiveness.
“You can experience a change in your emotion, and then decide to forgive, or you can decide to forgive first and experience those changes emotionally later on,” Dr. Worthington says.
Relationships are a core component of our health and well being. Having the ability to forgive and to find a way to make peace with the situation will significantly improve the quality of your life emotionally and physically. When we are unable to reach a point of forgiveness, it is common to become obsessive, playing the scenario over and over in our minds. This obsession can lead to mental health issues such as:
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Anxiety
Depression
Psychosomatic Disorders
These are significant prices to pay in order to prove your point or get the apology you believe you deserve. It is important to remember that forgiveness does not mean you have to restore a relationship that’s been broken. Sometimes, forgiveness means releasing. You forgive the person and, at the same time, decide you no longer want to have a relationship with them. Other times, you may want to keep the relationship going. In these instances, you’ll need to have a very blunt conversation about committing to a change in behavior. Depending on the amount of damage that’s been done, more time and work may be needed to let go of the negativity.
Forgiveness is your path to freedom.
Whether you’re working on forgiving yourself or others, forgiveness is a vital part of mental and physical health. As difficult as it may be, we must find a way to accept what has happened, recognize it can’t be changed, and make a conscious decision to release any negative impact it has on us.
Finding the right therapist can help you overcome the struggle of letting go. At Connections Counseling, we are more than a safe place to vent. Brittany is a highly qualified and compassionate therapist who is committed to helping her clients get to a place of inner peace.
Start on the path to forgiveness and set up your FREE consultation today.
